I wrote this last month , not really thinking too much about myself. I was merely giving history of my story. My Parents story impacts me more than many think.
“I’m also the daughter of Adoptees. That’s an area never spoken about in Adoptionland. No support groups, no box to check for that. It is ignored by most and ” I’m lucky I wasn’t adopted “. I know my roots , right? I don’t. I know who my mom, dad , brother, and one paternal grandmother. That’s it. To me , my parents relatives are Not mine. Since my parents don’t care who their Real family is , that means I don’t know much.”
My doctor ordered the first of many genetic tests. Seems like that should be easy enough. But , the lab called me a few days later to ask me my family’s history. I told her the tiny bit I knew , that my Paternal Grandmother has many silent Heart Attacks and died of Ovarian Cancer. That wasn’t enough. I weakly croaked out , ” But , my Parents are both adopted.” Silence followed. They were going to have to appeal my case since I didn’t know my medical history. Boom 💥
Children of Adoptees don’t have major issues. Adoptionland seemed so hard on just the Adoptees and Birth Parents. Yes , I’ve known many family issues Birth Families go through with their other children and lost child. And , I thought that was the worst part of this massive Charade we play here. Allowing adoptive parents to put their name on birth certificates when they didn’t actually give birth. Apparently, this is my not fun jump into adult children of Adoptees. Another club. Great ! Not !!!
As Mothers we gave our health info as teens. And , the rest of the family may or may not have health issues. We write what we know , in something we usually don’t want , and try to be as grown up as possible in the No Choice of Adoption by parents for their daughter’s. I don’t blame my parents Adoption on this , but , that no one cared what happened to me. We haven’t even coined a term for us. It doesn’t magically start over with Adoptees. Their children are affected a lot , too. Maybe if either of my parents had been given the opportunity to know , this wouldn’t be me. The common stutter of ” I don’t know. Adoption “. It goes on and on for generations.
I’ve been told by many to do 23andMe or somethinglike it. Great ! Just what I wanted! More people that will maybe hurt me.
I have never wanted to look. I decided that I have had enough pain and rejection as a Mother and didn’t want to invite more. But , I owe it to all of my three children to know. I will now take the best test for health info , not making connections.
This past week was surreal. I found cousins I never knew about. And , they opened their arms and lives quickly and with love. Pictures were quickly sent and my name and number were spread around. I could not have asked for better New family! I got info from them. And , I’m grateful. But , that isn’t enough. Not for medical companies. I needed it on paper.
I’ll do the darn test. It isn’t the money. It’s being brave enough to put yourself out there. Almost taking off my carefully crafted cape of I’m not ____. Adoptionland is big and wide and can hurt. I’m too far into this game to want to play that much. No deep need to know my great -great someone was Royalty or an actress. No illusions that someone loves me and may be looking for me.
My daughter’s rejection is Enough.
As I do this test and maybe others, I am in both worlds in a way I never imagined. I’m almost adopted, Once removed. Adoptionland is covered in poison ivy. There are traps and pitfalls everywhere. I certainly don’t want to live here. And , absolutely not taking away from True Adoptees. Or , is full , original, or some other word better?
Please let me know what you think we should be called. And , your best test for health , not tracing lineage.
Love you all so much. You give me hope and strength. You are kind and gracious. You make our tribe stronger. ❤️💗❤️💗❤️.
2 thoughts on “So If my Parents are Adoptees, what am I ? I’m a Birth Mother, yet also something Else”
I love that you’re writing❤ Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for the encouragement. If nothing else , I’m emptying my far too full brain. And , that is enough. xx