Today I Spit ! Not on you Adoption , but definitely because of you.

The tracking number tells me that today is the day I will have to spit ( Correctly) , and start the journey millions have done before me. I’m doing 23andme, the test with the health information on it.

I have resisted this for so long. I was sure I didn’t want to bring more pain into my life. I have always felt I wouldn’t do this. I didn’t need someone else not wanting me. I didn’t want to know who I was. I would just start over with me and forget the rest. As a child of two Adoptees , I knew little of my background. My mom made up her past and my dad Never discussed his. I have my amazing bio Nana from Dad and She was enough.

Life changes as we get older and turning 50 last year has brought both new relatives and challenging health issues. My new cousins on moms side have many of the issues I have. One even had a brain aneurysm, too.

As I found this out , I thought maybe learning more would provide what I really needed. I wanted to be able to provide my children answers. They are all grown now and my lost daughter is about to have her 5th baby.

Being Jewish, but not ” of the mother “, has not been easy either. I’ll leave that to another post. Judaism and adoption don’t go hand in hand.

My chronic illnesses have gotten out of hand as of late. Severe bruising, frequency of injuries is bigger and clotting issues. I had been diagnosed with Fibro 20+ years ago, but wondered if I really had that or if something else was happening.

I decided that I don’t have to respond to anyone if I don’t want to. That the fear of the unknown had ruled me long enough and my abandonment issues should not rule me as they do. They have power only because I Give it to them.

I learned of my first genetic mutation about 7 years ago.

When doctors hear huff beats, they think of horses 🐎, not zebras 🦓.

Turns out that I am probably a Zebra. It’s funny how we come upon new to things and see how clearly they fit. I’m a ICU RN and have been for 27 years. Having said that , I don’t know all of the Orphan Diseases. There are thousands of them and as the category is called does Not mean they are for orphans or Adoptees alone. They are called that because they are rare and not a lot of research has been done in the past.

I have antiphospholipid Syndrome. I have Hyper mobility Syndrome. I probably have Elhers -Danlos Syndrome. My geneticist will confirm in a few weeks. Then I’ll find which of the 13 subtypes.

I am hopeful that we will finally know our health concerns and even curious about my heritage. And , to be fully honest, I’m the most nervous about my Jewish ancestry. Sigh , that other post. In due time!

Thank you for starting this part of my adoption journey with me. I’m a Mother and had never really thought of me being the daughter of Adoptees as a huge deal except for the role that played in my losing my first born daughter.

As I stretch and grow in this area , I see that many of my Sisters share this. Adoption does not save you from the wonder , fear , and frankly , the fairy tales we often invent when we don’t know. While I do know who my parents are , it stops there. Not much of a tree but more of a rootling.

Maybe my next post will be the start of a tree. Maybe not. We shall see.

So , today I will offer you a Shamrock ☘️.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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