I’ll Leave before I give you a chance to leave me again……

I’ve always been a huge defender and believer of the Truth. It may be painful, ugly , or beautiful and warm. The Truth has many versions, and I think that’s what humans mess up on so often. My truth and your truth about the same event will probably be quite different from one another. Neither is lying or attempting to deceive , but , the differences can be enormous.

Truth is so much perception. Can any of us truly know what the other is actually feeling and thinking ? I think in rare cases that happens. I think the majority of people tell how they felt at that moment and it evolves. Our truth compounds with the reactions of others and our own deep seeded fears and regrets.

This statement can be read two very different ways. The first being that someone is predictable or steadfast. The second , that the person holds no value in their word or actions.

It’s interesting to see where each of us falls on this line and if it’s even consistent. If may be that there is one thing they are ashamed of and their truth waffles a lot on what they believe happened. It may feel too unsafe to speak it. Or , they may think no one believes them.

That brings us to trust. Do you trust someone with your heart and soul? Would you allow them to enter the darker parts of your mind and feel confident they wouldn’t run as fast as possible? I think it’s a different type of trust than say a surgeon or lawyer. Personally, I trust very few with everything. This life has taught me that people are going to choose what’s best for themselves over actual events.

I scoff when people are wronged yet cling to the phrase ” The truth always comes to light “. Because, it simply doesn’t. It can be uncomfortable, frightening, too painful, or even inconvenient to know what Truly happened.

So I ask you this … is your truth a lie because of perception? Can their be multiple truths to the exact same event ? I think so. What someone meant to convey may be interpreted a thousand different ways. That’s the rub. We develop our version of truth from our experiences. And , we share millions of experiences throughout our life. They shape our thoughts of self , the world, fairness and grief.

One of my often used words is abandonment. I see it nearly everywhere and no longer am shocked by it. Like it or not , my worth is more commonly than not carved by the why , how , and when I’m abandoned. I’ll try to make myself small and invisible. I’ll be as quiet as possible. No need to call anyone out on it. That would be a waste of effort. People simply are who they are and their promises are like blowing on a dandelion. By the way , I still close my eyes and wish when I’m holding one.

I promised myself many decades ago that nothing would ever hurt me like that did and it hasn’t. As I’ve grown older, I forgive much more freely. I expect nothing. And , I silently watch people I love drift away. I will not fight to have someone stay or love me.

It’s interesting to note that my feelings of not being enough are the root of it. How or why would I try to convince you I’m enough to love when I don’t love myself? Just another self fulfilling prophecy or the type of people I’m drawn to ? It’s a mixture I’m sure.

I’m an old soul that’s very tired of the hurt , chaos and events that occur in our lives. I dream of a world where people are completely genuine. No rose colored glasses are allowed.

I haven’t found the Old Soul support group yet and I doubt I will. ” There isn’t a perfect life Wyatt , just life.” I seek no perfection, only kindness and loyalty. More times than not , it’s the little things people do that matter much more than the flashy. Those little things can both fill or empty your heart.

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